


Concerning THAT Question...

by TheGeekySquirrel



Category: Bugsnax (Video Game)
Genre: Cannibalism, Canon Compliant, Conversations, Floofty Canonically Ate Someone, Friendship, Gen, It's All I Think About, Not Beta Read, Slice of Life, vague science
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 02:00:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30031299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGeekySquirrel/pseuds/TheGeekySquirrel
Summary: Just a quick one-shot about the canon fact that Floofty ate someone
Relationships: Floofty Fizzlebean & The Journalist
Comments: 4
Kudos: 42





	Concerning THAT Question...

Life in a lab was rather dull. Of course, the experiments themselves were always fascinating, but a lot of it was a waiting game. Waiting for germ cultures to grow or waiting to see the effects of some chemical. It could drag on for days or even weeks, depending on the project. Floofty had been forced to learn a lot of patience in their time as a scientist. They’d also tried out many methods of passing the time. Most recently, discussion with other grumpus. This isn’t their first attempt at testing this method; in the past, they found that many grumpus were either too stupid or too dull to be worth the effort of initiating conversation. However, recent tests have revealed the former of their issues with conversation can be a good thing, provided the grumpus in question is willing to learn. 

Which brings them to Buddy. Buddy (that wasn’t their real name, everyone knew it wasn’t their real name, but Filbo’s nickname had stuck and now everyone was way too far into their friendships with Buddy to ask) had at first seemed another simpleton only good for testing purposes. Then they started asking questions. Floofty was surprised to find themselves looking forward to interactions unrelated to science, eventually not just with Buddy. The journalist was still their favorite conversation partner though. They were very good at asking questions thanks to their insatiable- and honestly, childish- curiosity. 

It didn’t mean that damn curiosity couldn’t be a problem though. For example, they were once sitting in the lab with Floofty while the latter was waiting on a centrifuge to finish separating some blood samples. The conversation had hit a temporary lull when they said, “Hey, Floofty? On the island, you mentioned you once cannibalized someone.”

“I don’t know if I used those exact terms, but yes, I do believe it was something you brought up in our interview.”

“Who did you eat?”

That briefly caught them off-guard. For a moment, they considered refusing to answer. If anyone but Buddy- with the possible exception of Snorpinton, but he already knew the story- had asked, they likely would have. Buddy was lucky they were a trusted friend now. Floofty even allowed themselves to smile as they answered the question. 

“Dr. Jimus Fanshoot, an old school teacher of mine. Our relationship was quite close. He was perhaps the first grumpus to take a positive interest in my research, including the various ‘unethical’ methods I tend to employ. I suppose you could say he was something of a mentor to me in my early years. I probably wouldn’t have taken such an interest in physiology had he not suggested it while I was working on my bachelor’s.” Noticing Buddy’s brief confusion, they added, “Physiology is the study of how our bodies work, in baby language.”

“No, I knew that, I didn’t know you went to college.”

Floofty huffed, “What, did you think I was born this intelligent? I mean, I was, but I had to learn how to focus it from  _ somewhere _ . Anyway, where was I?”

“Dr. Fanshoot helped you discover your life’s work in undergrad?”

“Ah yes, thank you. As I was saying, he was a good friend to me for about twenty years. Unfortunately, he was also in his sixties when we met. His health became quite poor around the time that I began working on my master’s thesis. He was fully blind by his eighty-fourth birthday and his memory began to fail him shortly afterward. Dr. Fanshoot was much like me in the sense that he preferred to focus on the pursuit of science over ethical concerns-”

Buddy suddenly jumped in, “So much about you makes sense now, sorry, please continue.”

“For his funeral, instead of a normal burial or cremation, he decided to donate his internal organs and skeleton to science. His flesh, however-” They couldn’t help their chuckle at this point. “He wanted those in attendance at his funeral to consume it as a soup. I and his widower agreed, Dr. Fanshoot was quite tasty.” The machine beeped as they finished the story and Floofty got up to check it. The journalist stayed right where they were. 

“Holy grump. That story did not go where I thought it was going to. Thank you for telling me, it, uh. It sure is something. Probably one of the most ethically-sound things you’ve ever told me, to be fully honest.”

“Certainly, it is,” they muttered back as they, unfortunately, added another hour to the timer. This step of the experiment had already run far longer than expected, new calculations would have to be made for the rest of the project. The grumpus’s stomach told them it could wait. Floofty turned back to the journalist with a proposition, “Would you like to join me for lunch?”

Buddy turned, blinked twice, and then shrugged as they slid off their stool, “It’s five-thirty, but sure, let’s go get a really late lunch. How about burgers and fries?”

“Ugh, no, do you even know what kind of chemicals are in those? They even peel the potatoes with chemicals.” Floofty threw their lab coat onto the table, following the journalist out.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact, the whole "make me into a soup and eat me" thing is literally what my best friend of seven and a half years wants to happen at his funeral bc he'd like to give people the option of ethically trying human meat. Yes, he is a psychopath whom I love dearly.
> 
> Please consider leaving a kudos or a comment! Hope y'all are having a good day where you are and stay safe.


End file.
